For most of the decade, Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has been embarrassing Italy in the eyes of Americans (along with the rest of the world).
Now, America has returned the favor by sending the Jersey Shore crew to Florence, to humiliate us in the eyes of the Italians. While they’re in Europe, we’ll be checking in with Snooki, The Situation, et al, regularly, in a series we’re calling “How Did the Jersey Shore Cast Embarrass Us in Italy This Week?” After a much-needed week off from our Mystery Science Theater 3000-esque coverage of the show, we return for our fourth installment — in which The Situation gives himself a head injury, Ron and Sam break up again, and Deena explains Italian fashion — is after the jump.
Total inability to learn from mistakes. Are you kidding us? Ronnie and Sammi got back together, all lovey-dovey, a mere two episodes ago, and they’re already broken up again? “You’re not worth nothing,” a raging drunk Ron tells Sam. “I’ve been calling girls every night since I been here.” Which is funny, because if he was going to brag to Sam about all the girls he was talking to, why did he start a physical altercation when The Situation did it for him?
Mistaking beds for weapons. Why is Ron so obsessed with using beds as fight props? Remember last season in Jersey, when he dragged Sam’s bed out of the house?
Poor understanding of the differences between drywall and concrete. The cast’s Florence dwelling has concrete walls (at least, according to them). This means that when one of the roommates careens head-first into a wall, it’s going to cause some actual damage. That — not anything Ron did — is how Mike ended up in the hospital, returning home with a concussion and a neck brace. JWoww: “I feel like he’s doing an insurance claim right now.” At this point, although we don’t like to see people get hurt, it’s hard to deny the pleasure of watching Mike hurt himself.
Forgetting they’re in Italy. Why bother sending the Jersey Shore kids abroad if they’re going to spend the entire trip screaming at each other at home and partying in clubs that look exactly like the places they frequent at the shore? More cross-cultural comedy, please. Meanwhile, at one point (before poor Vinny, who comes across as nothing short of saintly in this episode, talks him down), Ron packs to go home, as though the opportunity to live in one of Europe’s most beautiful cities on MTV’s dime is something you can just walk away from.
Non-stop bawling. How many people burst into tears in this episode? We’re pretty sure everyone but Vinny and Pauly D turned on the waterworks. All of the girls — including JWoww, who looked terrifying crying thanks to her recent plastic surgery — bawled their way through Ron and Mike’s fight. And then The Situation basically had a nervous breakdown when no one doted on him post-concussion.
General romantic confusion. After partying all night and creeping on some girl in the club, drunk Ronnie gets a brilliant idea: Sam expects him to bring some grenade home, so instead he’s going to return alone, with some flowers for her. Note that this is in no way a reconciliation attempt; ”Let me show her, you’re the asshole, I’m not the asshole,” Ron says. And then, when she asks him whether he’s got a girl in his room, he flips out. Because, you know, he’s got the integrity to find a different way to hurt her, and for that Ron expects unwavering trust.
Gross misunderstanding of Italian fashion. In one throwaway scene, the girls ask Deena what the deal is with the big, gaudy, pink, flowered peasant dress she’s wearing. “It’s the Italian look,” she explains. Take that, Milan.
The Situation. We’ve already gone over Mike’s unfortunate incident with the wall — an indirect result, as usual, of his big, drama-starting mouth. But we can’t leave you without two more of his incredible quotes: 1. “I try to be the peacemaker in this house.” (No dissection necessary.) 2. After Snooki comes to comfort the wounded Mike and tells him she loves him as a friend, he can’t resist telling the camera, “I don’t think Nicole and Jionni are meant for each other.” So it seems we can look forward to more of that drama next week.